Monday, July 11, 2011

Stepping back

The past few weeks have been eventful to say the least. It has not been easy to remain positive and I have felt pulled in many directions.

I discussed some of what has been going on in my life here. Since then more has happened such as my husband being told there is no more work, our computer crashing and numerous other things. It is ok though, because these issues has meant a lot more open communication between my husband and I, as well as us realising what it is we both want to work towards and where we want to spend our time.

One of the best things for me, to come from al of this has been my husbands acceptance. At the moment I am going through counselling for some issues, which he has not been overly supportive of. The past week I was finally able to tell him some things I have wanted to tell him for over 6 years, our entire marriage! The things I wanted to tell him showed why I react the way I do or why I feel a certain way about certain things.

On top of this, the way we have been able to be so open with each other about things has meant I have been able to step back from things I do not want to do. Previously he would 'encourage' me to push through or just do it. Things such as attending family functions when at the time I wanted to punch someone in the face. Instead I would go and be nice to them, all the while it was eating me up inside. Of course, I do not always feel like this towards people, but there have been many times I have not wanted to attend something, but did.

Now, I am comfortable enough to say, no. I don't want to.

I don't have to do everything just because it is expected. I am allowed to step back and do what I feel is within my limits or what I feel like doing.

Obviously there are things we all have to do that we don't want to, but a lot of the time we could just step back and say No!

I cannot tell you how relieved I am to not only finally be ok within myself to do this, but also that my husband is ok with me doing this.

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