Monday, November 25, 2013

Body image - How I see myself vs how I really am

I am a size 8 - 10. That is what my clothing tags say. I see myself like this

In this photo I am about a size 16 - 18. It is from 2009, after I had my second daughter and had lost some weight, but still felt extremely big. I felt ugly and didn't feel like myself.

I now look like this

This is a size 8 or a US size 4. Physically and logically I am not fat. I exercise and I eat well but mentally I am still a size 16 many days. I often pick up size 14 clothes and wonder if I can fit into them, thinking they might be too small.

There are days I feel good about myself. But even this morning, in a size 8 outfit I felt fat. I looked in the mirror and was ashamed of what I saw. I saw a lot of fat. I see myself much bigger than what I actually am. When I see pictures of myself I often stare for a while, unable to believe that is how skinny I am.

I was a chubby kid and everyone made sure I knew it. I was always bigger than my older sister. She was so lean and I felt so chunky next to her.

In high school I ate as little as possible to try and lose weight. I used to do loads of sit ups, push ups, jog, everything. I sometimes worked out for 2 hours of an evening when I was supposed to be sleeping. I played sports. I avoided eating when I could and even fainted at school from lack of eating.

I have never really viewed myself as someone who had an eating problem. I am conscious of what I eat, but I will enjoy food. I never try to make myself throw up anything I have eaten, but even now if I binge too much I will then make sure I am super strict and sometimes skip meals.

I know this is illogical. I know how bad this is for my body. It is not my normal routine. But when I get depressed or upset and feel like my life is out of my control, I control my eating more because it is something I can control.

I don't always struggle. I don't usually tell anyone and my behaviour, things I say and do would indicate I think quite highly of myself. The exact opposite is true.

I don't really know why I am writing all of this. It's just how I feel. 

Thursday, November 14, 2013

Just be yourself

I got this shirt a little while ago and my 6yr old immediately claimed it as "Awesome!"

Why is it we find it so hard to just be ourselves? Is it because we don't know who we are? Are we afraid of what people will think of the real us? Do we not love ourselves?

I've been on quite a journey the past 1 - 2 years. I went from being married, owning my house (mortgaged), living in Sydney with 2 daughters, blogging a bit and becoming an author in 2011 to now being divorced, living in Canberra with my 2 daughters and now an author, public speaker, financial mentor and freelance writer. I volunteer with the homeless and have someone new in my life.

I have never been happier. I know who I am, what I want from life and live my life in such a way that I am true to me and do what I deem to be best for my daughters and myself. It's not about other people, it's about us.

How did I get to this point?
It took a lot to accept myself and to love myself. I still struggle at times and with recent events, my personal life is fair from idyllic but I am closer than I have ever been to the life I want.

I started with making a decision. I decided to be a survivor instead of a victim.

I worked out what was important to me, what do I value in my life?

What sort of life did I want for my daughters and I? What was I willing to sacrifice to make that happen?

I set goals. I used affirmations and I went after what I wanted.

Instead of complaining about being overweight I stopped eating so much junk and started exercising more to get the body I want.

I started putting myself first. I learned to say no and instead of trying to do and be everything for everyone, I looked at what I wanted and what was best for my daughters and stuck to that. My life is for me, not everyone else.

I started volunteering and this has made me so happy.

Find what makes you happy. Live the life you want and "Just Be You!"

What is stopping you from being yourself?

Thursday, November 7, 2013

Gluten free broomsticks - Halloween snacks

Last week was Halloween and I had a little party at my house with my brother, his wife and their kids because my kids were desperate for Halloween anything. I saw a version of these broomsticks so many times all over pinterest, but they used pretzels and since I couldn't source gluten free pretzels I wasn't going to do them.

However, walking down the gluten free isle I spotted rice sticks and thought I'd see if they worked. And they did!

All you need to make these is rice sticks or pretzels, cheese sticks (they stringer type ones) and chives.

I cut the string cheese into thirds, so one cheese stick would do 3 broomsticks. I cut the rice sticks in half as they were fatter than I expected, then I pushed them into the cheese, peeled the cheese and tied a chive around it.

A little fiddly and some of the sticks broke, sometimes the cheese split, but they were worth it.

Tuesday, November 5, 2013

Redlippedvember - Wear red lipstick in November

Jac Lambert set the challenge to wear red lipstick in November. It isn't to raise money for charity or anything like that, more to increase confidence, self esteem etc. Red is a colour of power. Red is beautiful on anyone, provided you have the right shade.

I love red lipstick and yes, there is an art to applying it, it's a process, not just slap it on and go. Yes, it can end up on your teeth and look tacky if not done right. I know my red lipstick is not the right red for me. I need a deeper, more red colour which I will be searching for tomorrow. My preference is lip stain or lip sticks that do not smudge off. My kids love red lippy that leaves kiss marks on them when I kiss them, so I have both. The giggles I get and requests for more kisses make that lipstick special to me.

Day 1 with a lippy that is too orange for me, attempting duck face for my kids 

This colour is more me, but is not colourstay and drives me nuts.

Same here, plus I didn't line my lips properly or anything. 

I am not a fan of my lips. They are a bit wonky and I am not overly confident in applying lipstick. I usually gloss and go or even just lip balm. In fact, I have scaled my beauty routine right back and tend to just use BB cream, mascara and lip gloss for make up now. A lot easier and my skin has been better with it.

So, do you don red lippy? How does it make you feel?